Halloween Etiquette - Tricks for Surviving the Night of Fright!

Halloween can be a wonderful and fun-filled time not only for the little ones, but also for adults. There are some basic etiquette rules however, that we all need to observe to ensure the safety and enjoyment of everyone. Here are a few essential tips on how to survive the night of fright!

Trick-or-Treating. This is truly a tradition reserved for younger children who look forward each year to dressing up in their favorite costumes and going door to door to receive unlimited amounts of sugary treats. A child who has reached the age of sixteen or seventeen should retire their pumpkin candy bag for good. Begin trick or treating at dusk while their is still some light for safety. Try not to crowd or stampede the doorways for candy. Teach your children to be patient and polite and to remember the all important "please" when they ask for a treat and "thank you" when they receive it. There is nothing like seeing a ghost or goblin at your front door with impeccable manners.

Neighborhoods. It is perfectly acceptable to travel outside one’s own neighborhood, particularly, for children who live in a hillside neighborhood without sidewalks or for children who may be living in a neighborhood that is less than child-friendly. However, if you do decide to leave your neighborhood, the next best thing is to trick-or-treat in a neighborhood that you are familiar with or that is the neighborhood of a friend. If a house is dark and all the lights are turned off, this is the unwritten signal that the family is not participating in the ritual or may not even be at home.

Costumes. As far as costumes for children, the general rule is that they be kid-friendly. Politically incorrect outfits or very scary horror costumes are not considered appropriate. Older teens and adults may choose to let their wild imagination get the best of them, however, etiquette dictates that whatever they choose, they should try to be considerate of others and their environment. Ask yourself one simple question, "Is my costume disrespectful or would it offend or scare another person at the party"? If the answer is yes, then find an alternate choice. Oftentimes, we think only about ourselves and not of others.

General Halloween Etiquette Tips. Halloween is a perfect “training” time to teach your children to take only one candy and be sure to say “thank you”. After just a few visits, your two year old will be an expert! At least one parent should accompany children up to at least the age of twelve. Make sure to speak with children about general safety rules, staying with their group, and if older, curfew time. Parents should check the treats of the younger children before they eat them. Children should never eat anything that is handmade or specially prepared (unless you know the family).

“Top 10 List of Back-To-School Manners”

After the Labor Day weekend, children all across the country are finally back in school. Some parents are jumping for joy and can’t get them out of the house quickly enough and others are experiencing the bittersweet emotion of separation and loss as their “baby” is growing older. Regardless of your child’s age and how long they have been attending school, we have devised a list of Back-to-School Manners we believe will help you and your children transition more easily and gracefully into the new school year.

1. Obey “The Golden Rule”. We’ve heard it a hundred times. Treat others they way you would like to be treated. Think about it, if our children actually, consciously pondered this phrase I bet there would be a lot less hurt feelings, bullying, and unruly behavior in the classroom and on the playground.
2. Practice Safety First. Believe it or not, to be safe is to use good manners. When children are watching out for themselves and their fellow classmates, fewer accidents occur. This is true for both the school grounds as well as the surrounding parking area.
3. Bullying is Bad Behavior. Teach your children to be sweet and kind to their fellow schoolmates. Being a bully is usually a cry for help from a child who is in desperate need of some attention and love. Take the high road and show sensitivity towards that child until they are able to learn how to properly express themselves.
4. Friends Forever. Make new friends, but keep the old, one is silver and the other’s gold. Each year the students in the classrooms change. Children should view this as an opportunity to make new friends. They should be reminded to cultivate the relationships they already have, but also be encouraged to introduce themselves to new students and new classmates. Remember to stand up straight, smile and make good eye contact when making introductions.
5. Cut Out the Cliques and Be Inclusive of Everyone. All students want to be accepted by their peers at school. Speak to your children about the negative effects of whispering, gossiping or excluding others. Explain to them how they would feel if the shoe were on the other foot. They should be inclusive of everyone at all times at school, especially to new students who may be more shy or reserved. They do not have to engage everyone in deep conversation, but a friendly and warm smile is a must!
6. Make Cleanliness & Hygiene a Top Priority. The Swine Flu epidemic was enough to put most parents on high alert. Teach your teacher the value and importance of cleanliness and hygiene. Make sure they wash their hands (with soap) repeatedly throughout the day, sneeze into their arm as opposed to their hands (which carry germs) and (for those with long locks) wear their hair up in a ponytail or braids to avoid bringing home lice.
7. Be True to Your School. Children should be respectful towards the school administration and staff. Encourage them to channel their inner school spirit and support their school teams both academic and sports related. Motivate them to run for student council or take the lead on a charitable drive to raise funds for the school.
8. Practice Good Study Habits. Children quickly learn that homework only gets more difficult as you get older. Better to learn good study habits when you are young so that they become second nature as you progress into higher education. Assist them in creating a schedule with blocks of time for work and for play so that no matter how much work they have, they will feel a sense of balance.
9. Birthday Parties & Sleepovers. This goes back to our rule about inclusion. Children should be sensitive to their schoolmate's feelings and not exclude individuals. For birthday parties, they should either invite the entire class, keep it a same gender party or limit themselves to two or three friends for an intimate celebration. They should send party invitations via email or mail and not through backpacks as they are easily lost. For sleepovers, teach your children to discuss their plans after school to avoid any hurt feelings from friends who are not part of the plan. If they discover a friend is within earshot, suggest to them a sleepover plan for another date in the future.

10. Back-to-School Manners are Not Just for Kids! Parents are often some of the worst offenders. Greet fellow parents each day with a warm and friendly smile. Remember to include new parents in school activities and special events. Avoid gossip or negative comments about other parents or the school. Use the magic words unconditionally and often with teachers, administration and staff. Your children emulate you and will do as you do and not as you say. Better to set them on the right course by setting a good example. Remind them of your expectations and rules with regard to their manners and behavior in general. This will provide them with the confidence they need to achieve in school and have a productive and successful year!

Is it rude to keep your cell on the table at a restaurant when you are expecting a call?

Yes. When you are in the company of another person, put your cell phone away. Hide it in your lap where it is not visible. If you need to have your phone on to receive a call from the kids or the let’s say the White House, by all means keep it close by. Otherwise, put your phone on vibrate and let everything else wait!

Brother, Can You Spare a Parking Space?

Last Sunday, I drove to my local Farmer’s Market with my two girls as I do almost every Sunday. It's usually pretty crowded and parking is hard to find. I approached the parking area in front and waited for a space to open up. I sat patiently in my car with my girls hounding me, “Can’t we get out of the car mommy?” “I have a headache, I want to get out of the car!” I noticed there was a car behind me and felt relieved that at least I was first in line and the wait would soon be over.

After what felt like an eternity, a man and woman holding bags of flowers and veggies came walking down the street towards their car in the open lot. They were parked on the left and I was waiting on the right. As they began loading the bags into their car, I saw the car behind me race up in front and turn towards their space. Being a girl from NYC, I was not about to let that happen! I’m used to people double parking and getting out of their car to do an errand, but stealing another person’s space that they have been waiting patiently for is absolutely out of the question!

I tried to reason with the driver and was ignored. (See "To Dodge or Not to Dodge.") He proceeded ahead until he was halted by another defensive driver who told him that they would not move until I was able to park. Thankfully, the thief relented and we pulled into my primo parking space. After informing the security guard of the tense situation , we entered the Farmer's Market a bit tainted from the whole experience. What happened to my relaxing Sunday?

Long story short – My manners are in check most of the time...but when it comes to parking spaces and meter maids, everything seems to fly out the window. I always look for the absolute closest parking space to wherever I’m going and will usually wait until I get one. Admittedly, I am not a patient person and so waiting for anything is a painful exercise in restraint. So here are a few etiquette rules I wish I could instigate when it comes to parking and meter maids.

• Don't steal other people’s parking spaces in parking lots, (especially when they have waited for patiently with screaming, hungry kids inside the car). This is true for metered parking as well. If you see someone double-parked and waiting for an open space, you should not steal the space from them.
• FAIL parking meters are fair game. I can’t stand parking garages so if I can find a meter or 2-hour free street parking even better and unlike most people who wouldn’t dare to park in a space with a FAIL parking meter, when I find one I consider it my lucky day!!
• Running a quick errand? Save yourself the quarters and take advantage of the timed parking zones (3 min., 10 min, etc.). Don't take up an hourly parking spot when there are short-term ones available for your quick errands.
  
• Prepare your spare change ahead of time. If you visit the bank to deposit checks, next time ask your teller for a roll of quarters. It'll save you time to be prepared!
  
• Don't abuse the system. I see people taking advantage of disabled parking spots all of the time! Those spots have been set aside for people who need them most. This is a terrible practice, not too mention really bad karma.
• Parking attendants should be more reasonable when it comes to writing tickets. They should stop when someone approaching their car while the ticket is still being written. Why can’t they give us the benefit of the doubt? If they see us running towards our cars and risking our lives to save ourselves from having to pay a ticket then that should account for something!

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Do you agree with us? Share your thoughts about parking spots and parking attendance and add a point to our list of etiquette rules. PARKING ATTENDANTS: this is an opportunity to tell your side of the story. Let your voice be heard! Post your comments and/or experiences below.

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To Dodge or Not to Dodge, That is the Question

Have you ever been on the receiving end of a dodge ball?

I was in the supermarket the other day and saw someone that I was just not in the mood to speak with. I was pretty sure that they saw me too and I wondered, Should I dodge this person or should I just be polite and greet them? I am ashamed to admit that on this day, I dodged--BIG TIME. When I saw her coming down the aisle, I ran. When I approached the checkout line, I glanced to make sure she wasn’t there. When I left the market I could see that she was in front of me so I pretended to look at my receipt and delay my leaving. When I saw that the coast was clear I walked straight to my car...AND GUESS WHAT? It turns out she was parked right next to me and looked straight at me as I drove away with my tail between my legs.

On top of that, a week ago I was on the throwing end of the dodge ball. I was getting out of my car and saw someone that I knew. I yelled out to the person to say hello. Unfortunately they were less than interested in me at the time, so they completely blew me off. And let me tell you--it didn't feel very good at all.

This question of whether or not to dodge someone is becoming a problem! Why is it so hard for us to put on a happy face and engage in simple niceties? Perhaps we have become hardened by society. Instead of being fun, spontaneity now throws our plans off schedule. Are we so important that only certain people are worthy of our time and attention? Has it become too draining to be polite?

In my classes, I teach that we should always try to put ourselves in someone else’s shoes -- we need to think about perspectives and how people feel. It seems harmless when we are dodging someone, but when we are the ones being avoided, it feels terrible!

I learned my lesson that day. We all could use "The Golden Rule" to:

1. Treat others with decency and
   
2. Acknowledge others with a friendly hello and smile.
   

It’s the least we can do to harmoniously co-exist in today’s busy and aggressive world.

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What do you do when you see someone you’re not in the mood to speak with? Do you run, or do you meet them head on? Post your comments and/or experiences below and...

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No Subject Line, No Email Etiquette

"More than 90% of Internet users between 18 and 72 said they send and receive email, making it the top online activity just ahead of search engines", according to the non-profit research group Pew Internet and American Life Project (Feb 2009).

As a user, you may be wondering what exactly the guidelines for proper email etiquette are and questioning whether this tool has actually simplified our lives or made them more complicated. We have devised a list of the top 16 rules of email etiquette we believe take into consideration OPF's (other people's feelings) as well as protect our own.

1. Designate time each day to review emails in your inbox. Since we are inundated with email 24/7, it is important to put aside a couple of times during the day to sit down and go through them in a calm fashion. The exception: timely business emails which require your immediate attention and response.
   
   
2. Return emails within 24-48 hours. Similar to a phone message, it is courteous to return all email communications within a one to two day time period.
   
   
3. Check your Spam or Junk Email Folder. Unfortunately, email sometimes makes its way into these folders without any rhyme or reason. It is your duty to check them daily to make sure no emails were inadvertently misplaced. This is especially crucial if someone says they are sending something to you and you have not received it. Please remember to double-check these folders first before requesting that an email is re-sent.
   
   
4. Return all emails in-kind. If someone is pouring their heart out to you in an email, don't respond with a brusque retort. This is the equivalent of a one word answer in conversations. Consider the sender's feelings and respond with an email that is reciprocal of the one that was received.
   
   
5. It's okay to respond even if you can't respond. If someone sends an email that requires a response and you can't get to it right away, at least have the decency to let them know you will be addressing it shortly and will get back to them as soon as possible. This will prevent hurt feelings and any miscommunication in the future.
   
   
6. Always include a subject line. A subject line describes the reason for the email, without it, the recipient is lost. Take the extra second and include a subject line in all communications. This allows the recipient to determine the relevance of your communication and also to categorize it and refer back to it in the future.
   
   
7. Refrain from sending personal emails with a Request Read Receipt or Request Delivery Receipt. This is bothersome and puts the recipient on the defense. Unless you are the IRS or the CIA, your message does not require this extra measure.
   
   
8. Remember that email addresses are private. Big corporations go to great lengths to obtain personal email addresses. Refrain from sending mass email communications with the email addresses on display for all to view. It is much more polite to send mass communications to a group email name or by Blind Copy ("bcc") to protect people's privacy.
   
   
9. Be careful with "Reply", "Reply All" and "Forward". If you accidentally hit the wrong button, it may come back to haunt you. A few years ago, I mistakenly hit the "Reply" button when I meant to select the "Forward" button and landed in some pretty hot water. Trust me, you want to double and triple check yourself before hitting Send.
   
   
10. Remember that email is a permanent record. Be very careful what you write in an email because everything can be used against you. These communications are forever embedded in servers. If you must vent or say something truly unpleasant, a face to face conversation is always best.
    
    
11. Digitally file and/or back up all business emails. I recently had to access some emails from several years ago to verify a business matter in which I'd been wronged. These email documents were the proof I needed to win my case.
    
    
12. Don't assume everyone has the same humor as you do. There is nothing more annoying than having to filter joke emails or chain letter emails when you are busy at work. Please save these communications for your most intimate friends or spare us and yourself and don't send them at all.
    
    
13. Email thank you notes are fine, but if you truly want to make a lasting impression then a handwritten thank you note is much more impressive.
    
    
14. Refrain from emailing in all CAPITAL LETTERS. It is the online equivalent of shouting!
    
    
15. Review all spelling, grammar and punctuation before pressing the send button. Remember your emails are a reflection of you and you always want to make the best impression whether in person or online.
    
    
16. End emails on a positive and upbeat note. If you're hitting writer's block and need some pointers, check out some of the most popular email closings and their meanings.

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Do you have any particular pet peeves when it comes to emailing? Would you like to add an etiquette rule to our list?

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"Mix up a cocktail: Customer service is on the line"

I was recently watching the now defunct comedy spoof show “Mad TV” late one night and found myself hysterically laughing at a skit detailing a conversation between a man and a customer service representative. The whole skit escalated into the man screaming obscenities and the customer service rep hanging up the phone!! It was a dead-on interpretation of how extremely exacerbating these phone calls can be.

Today I had my own experience with one such call center when I attempted to activate my new credit card. The first attempt had me listening to the usual automated system and plugging in my card number and then my zip code and finally the 3-digit security code on the back of the card. Then after pressing “0” for operator about 100 times I finally was connected to a live person. They then proceeded to ask me more questions like What is your social security number? and Can you tell us the address of your prior residence? and then I was placed on hold and then DISCONNECTED. This happens all too often when these call centers are trying to transfer you to different departments. I clinched my teeth, dialed the 800 number and went through the same series of questions then again was put on hold. The representative then started hammering me with a series of impertinent questions. Is what is your mother’s maiden name no longer cutting the mustard? Must we provide a DNA sample in order to prove who we are? A conversation with a customer service call center has become akin to waiting at line at the DMV. And then they ask you if you would like to complete a customer satisfaction survey at the end of the call. I mean, Come on! After what felt like a lifetime, the activation process was finally completed.

So I ask you, how does one maintain their cool and avoid phone rage when dealing with customer service reps and call centers? I feel terrible admitting that I have a hard time being patient, especially when I’m in a rush to get something done like simply activate a credit card. Am I the only one who goes crazy when the customer service rep has to read their whole script and will not cut to the chase and answer the question at hand? Must they speak so slow that it seems intentional that they put me to sleep before they get to an answer? Must these companies make us jump through hoops just to speak to a human being? Why do they want to make the whole experience so painful?

I did a little soul searching and came up with a few ways I hope to maintain good manners and keep my cool in future communications:

1. Take a deep breath before calling
2. Situate myself in a comfy spot next to the TV or curl up with a book to occupy myself during long hold periods
3. Recognize that the customer service rep is just doing their job
4. Clearly define why I am calling and what I need from them
5. Take up knitting as an activity to engage in while answering the myriad of nonsensical questions about my personal history
6. Politely ask if it is possible for them to skip any scripted information
7. Remember to say thank you at the end of the call even if I have lost 10 years of my life waiting for information.

We hope some of our tips will help you deal with the person on the other end of the line next time you need to talk with customer service. Cheers!
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Does this remind you of someone with amazing manners OR perhaps, not such good ones? Air your manners compliments or grievances with photos, comments, conversations and questions!

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